Can i not drive my cunt home
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
