my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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