im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
