Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
