Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
