Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everclear isn't food dammit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
