she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
