im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
