If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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