oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I met the friendliest cop last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
