you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
