Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
