I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
