If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you had me at cake vodka
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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