So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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