Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
