I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck appropriateness.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
