I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
