After last night, I could never be a politician.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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