Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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