I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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