He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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