Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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