Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
