I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
