Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
