I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
