The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How external is "for external use only"?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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