dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
