What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
