just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
