Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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