Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
