I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
