bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
