Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
