were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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