Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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