HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
