Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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