i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
