3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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