if i can run in heels then i can drive
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
