If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
