dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
