it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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