Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
someone owes me an orgasm
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
