walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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