I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
