i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize