Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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