Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
